My Spiritual Journey

I want to talk about something that I felt was necessary for myself to express. Most people may not agree with me and that is okay. However I needed to go on this journey with myself to better my mindset and soul. I am a believer of God but I am also a believer that God creates special people to give us messages of hope and healing which are called Mediums or Spiritual Guides.

I went on a personal spiritual journey after losing Remedi. I found myself asking a lot of questions as to why this had to happen to me. What did I do to deserve this. I was so confused and mad. I had so much anger and I didn’t know how to control my thoughts. Some were dark and I needed to find something more powerful to give me answers or just messages of hope.

A friend who had lost her son years ago had recommended a spiritual medium that may help with my grief. This wonderful woman was able to help me connect with Remedi. I was very open to anything that could help me get through this horrific time in my life. I am a true believer that our loves ones can physically leave us but they are always by our sides. They come in a form of energy which is created when they pass that surrounds around us, sometimes we can feel and sometimes we can see them in a difference form.

A few weeks after Remedi passed I had a 90 minute phone conversation with a women named Cindy, she is a Spiritual Medium who can communicate with souls on the other side, she is sensitive and intuitive enough to hear, feel and see information coming from the other side(our loved ones who have passed). For more information on what a medium is I will provide a wonderful book that can help you understand it in more detail at the end of this passage.

Cindy has this caring demeanor to her that makes me feel comfortable right off the bat. She explains her process and how she communicates with our loved ones. Our first conversation, she starts off with “I have a little girl, more like a baby coming through”. I immediately started to cry, I knew who she was talking about. Cindy said “this is your daughter, correct?” I said yes. She said “she passed not to long ago, she looks like a baby, but talks as if she has matured while over there, when did she pass.” I told her about a month ago. Cindy mentioned when babies pass away they are not the age of when they passed, they are actually a few years older which is why they can communicate so well with us. Cindy said “I’m trying to get her name, she’s telling me it starts with an R, and then proceeds to give some possible names after some help from my daughter, she says your daughter describes her name as like a remedy for something”, again I burst out into tears, I said yes, she is correct. Then Cindy says “its Remedi, what a beautiful name”. I said yes that’s her name, and I miss her so much, she says “she misses you too and says you are so beautiful and doesn’t like to see you cry so much”. I said its really hard not to cry, I didn’t want her to go. I don’t know why she left us. She continued to describe her beautiful button nose and precious face, her silky hair, how we baptized her and was able to hold her. She mentioned all of us in the hospital kissing her and holding on to her little hands and feet, cuddling her and speaking sweet messages into her ear. Remedi could hear it all and felt all the love. Cindy went on to mention some remarkable events that had taken place recently, which was not disclosed anywhere for her to read about. I knew this woman had a gift and I was so thankful to have talked to her. Our conversation went on for 90 minutes, filled with love, stories and comforting words from Remedi.

When Remedi crossed over she sent us a sign in the sky which we saw and Remedi wanted us to know that what we saw was really her saying goodbye and Cindy was able to validated that she was ok. We saw her beautiful face formed in the clouds, giving us a peace sign and that she made it home to God. She was a gift so precious that we didn’t want to say goodbye. Cindy told us that Remedi is always around us, just look for the signs that she will be sending, letting us know she is with us. Cindy was right, Remedi would send us a lot of signs.

One night after we got back from the hospital, we heard an owl hooting outside our window, we looked outside and this white snowy owl (not native to South Carolina) was sitting on the telephone pole right outside our bedroom window, I was in awe and quickly grabbed my camera. It was a rare sighting but knew it was Remedi. We began to have more owl sightings that occurred months after which occured during the day which was very abnormal. We took these signs with great pleasure and gave us smiles on our faces and in our hearts. A dear friend of mine had a beautiful candle engraved with Remedi name and a special passage on the back, Remedi told Cindy to let us know she loves the candle and that we should light it. I told Cindy I didn’t want the candle to melt which is why I didn’t light it yet, she said your daughter would like you to light it and when you do think of her. We did as she pleased and on special occasions we will light it up and think of her.

On my first Mothers day I received 18 beautiful flowers on a plant that normally wouldn’t bloom till July. The number 18 was significant to me, not only is it the day I was born but it was also the day Remedi was born as well. I began to see 18 everywhere, on speed limit signs (who would put that number as a limit on a road was strange to me but there is was an 18, my eyes were not playing tricks on me.) I would find 18 seashells in the garden, no idea where those came from, I certainly didn’t and neither did her daddy. On the 18th of every month I wrote in my journal a letter to her. That number became very special to me and friends would send me sweet messages of hope on that day, reminding me to how strong and amazing I am.

Some other signs that became significant and validated in our meetings throughout the past months was the special Giraffe in Remedi room, it was a gift for her but we sleep with that stuffed animal every night and brought it with us on vacations and over night trips. I got my first tattoo the year after she passed, it was something special to me, I had searched for months to find the perfect design, I thought I really knew what I wanted, however that morning I was waiting in line for the Artist to call my name, I did one more search and this perfect sign came to me, I knew it was sent from her and I had to get it. After getting the tattoo, I realized that it wasn’t just angel wings, it was also an owl eyes with hearts, this was just so meaningful and perfect for me. I always wanted to see her name so on her 1st birthday I created a special license plate called OurRemi, another sign that was pointed out in our meeting months prior to actually getting it in the mail. Again none of these things were posted online, however after having them validated by Cindy in our many sessions I created a few posts about my experience and how special they were to me.

On Remedi 1st Birthday we had a party for her, with cake, balloons and pink fireworks, Cindy told us how Remedi loved the light show and loud booms in the sky- we knew she saw and validated the pink fireworks we set off for her, which was something I will never forget. It’s these signs that kept me going and believing that she is always near and can see everything we do to honor her each and ever day.

The first meeting with Cindy changed my life. It gave me strength to keep moving forward and to know that Remedi was always by my side. I recall Cindy mentioning to me that when Remedi passed she was greeted by our many family members that had already passed, my Grandmother, my Grandfather and her daddy oldest sister Amy, who passed as a baby 30 years prior. She was loved up there and was well taken care of. It gave me hope and comfort that she was going to be okay and I too would be okay. She wanted her daddy and I to treat ourselves with kindness and love and that one day we would have another baby to love on.

As I write this passage, my eyes fill with tears but it they are tears of hope and love, that I know I will forever cherish the short time I had with Remedi in my arms. The footprints she leaves behind are never forgotten. She and I will forever have a bond that no one can take away from us. She is mine and I am hers and for the rest of our lives I can always count on her.

I am so thankful for this opportunity with Cindy, I have had several sessions with her throughout the past 19 months that I keep dear to my heart and thankful I was able to record our conversations so I can revisit our messages with Remedi. I know some may be skeptic of this and that is okay. You can’t knock it out until you try it and if you are going through something that you need reassurance or messages of hope, I would highly suggest talking to someone who can give you that. For me it was Cindy, a spiritual medium, a messenger of hope and love. Through her I was able to find myself again, even though I was a different version of myself, this new version was still me, a little broken and fragile but deep down I found strength and love. I quickly realized I had a new purpose in life and that was to help other moms going through this tragedy to find themselves again. We have gone through the worse thing that can ever happen to a person and no one will ever understand the emptiness we feel after losing a baby. It is not fair, but we will be okay.

Here are 2 books that I found to help me during my spiritual journey:

Over time we heal, the wounds will start to slowly close and scares will go away. We will always remember the pain but it will get better. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for you, I will listen, I will cry with you, I will hold your baby close to my heart, I will say their name, I will never forget, I will help you however I can. Trust me, we will live again, it will just take time. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. I promise it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

The Signs

Below are some of the signs received from Remedi- that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I look back at these pictures and remember the love she sent on the hardest days we went through. They continue to give me strength and power to move on and continue to heal.